Fatographer to Fitographer: Frustrations

It’s been a while since I updated. Partly because my project was in completely standstill for the whole summer.
Partly because I’ve been feeling so frustrated over these past couple of weeks when I finally
got my act together and started to live a healthy life again.

But progress? I can’t see it. Anywhere. I’m seriously starting to feel like there’s something utterly wrong with me.
I mean, I know with my thyroid issues and diabetes losing weight is going to be hard, but it would be AWESOME to
see SOME results. So far my fat percentage has gone up by 2%, my weight is the same and I don’t see changes when
I look in the mirror.

It makes me want to give up right now because it’s hard to believe I’ll get anything done.
There’s clearly something I’m doing wrong.
That’s why I decided to buy some motivation. I got myself a JAWBONE UP fitness tracker wristband.
What I’ve learned so far using it:
1. I don’t sleep that well. I wake up at least once per night. Guess that was the reason I was so tired
all the time and when the days started to get shorter I found myself needing over 9 hours of sleep.
2. The amount of steps I get on average (office) days is humiliatingly low. Today for example I’ve walked less than 700 steps.
3. On these office days I’ve been eating too much. According to Jawbone app I need to eat minus 300 calories if I want to
lose weight and since my basic calorie burn is around 1400, that means I should eat around 1100 on the days I don’t
do any exercising. What a depressing thought for a food freak.
4. I’ve also calculated my calorie intake so wrong. Like VERY wrong. It’s amazing how little you need to eat
and it adds up to more than 400 calories.

This awesome little wristband also tells me if I’ve sat still for too long. It’s my little motivator
that tells me to move.

On the positive side of things, I’ve noticed a change in my thinking.
When I used to crave for chocolate and fatty snacks, I crave for carrots now.
I’ve also found the joy of exercising again. I enjoy taking my pink sneakers out for a run.
Sniffing the cold October air, feeling the wind rushing in my ears and being able to run more every time.
I feel ashamed if I have to track unhealthy stuff I’ve eaten, so I’ve started to choose better stuff.

I’m trying to think it’s OK if I stay the way I am, but really, it’s not OK. I want to be healthier.
I want to be happy in my own skin. I want to go and buy pretty clothes I feel comfortable wearing.
I want to melt the freaking fat that sits on top of my inner organs and makes jeans fit weirdly.

I want to live a long, healthy and happy life. I want to go to Iceland and climb on top of every mountain without feeling
out of breath around every single corner.

But the more frustrated I feel, the more I want this.

I. WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP.