After a long, (almost) snowless winter, it’s been great to see the sun again. To wake up in the morning and not be surrounded by complete darkness. To feel like you’re a complete person once again. Not just a shell trying to survive, but someone who’s able to breathe again.
Once I realized that black winter isn’t for me, my goal for the winter was to not gain weight. After discussing my lack of interest for exercising with my diabetes nurse back in December, I realized that trying to force exercising would do more damage than good. So I set up to maintain my weight as it is, not to force myself into stressing about weight on top of being kind of depressed with the surrounding darkness. After all, giving myself mercy was supposed to be the new theme of my life.
Then I got sick just before Christmas and was sick on/off until February. During that time everything got sort of out of hands.
And then I got sick with myself.
Instead of trying to fix my routine with trying to do everything at once (which has been my mistake over and over and OVER again) I started to eat healthily again. I took tiny steps; drank more water, cut sweets off to once/twice a week, ate less fast carbs, added protein. Then a few weeks back I started walking again. I got myself RunKeeper to keep me motivated, then upgraded it to give me more exercising options. Slowly I added some running to my routine, started to log my eating with Jawbone UP app and told my Jawbone band to alarm me if I haven’t moved in 30 minutes.
I’ve found my long lost love for moving again. I’ve learned to forgive myself. To have some mercy.
In the end, it doesn’t matter if I miss a run sometimes. It doesn’t matter if I decide to eat +500 calories too much one day. What matters is that I enjoy my life, enjoy moving, don’t have a troubled relationship with food and that I love myself for who I am, not for what I’m trying to become.
Leave a Reply