Fatographer to Fitographer: Start

I love food. I also love our home, especially eating snacks on our sofa. These two as a combination don’t mix well together.

To add the fact that my work involves lots of sitting by the computer
we have a big problem. To add my diabetes, we have a HUGE problem.

I’m sick of it. Sick of me being so lazy about living healthy and always procrastinating about changing my life.
I’m always saying that today I’m starting my new healthy life. Then comes Easter, Christmas or whatever and there I am.

Back to square one. Eating like there’s no tomorrow.

I was so happy to be full timer and for all the time I now had for exercising – and guess what? After last August I’ve gone jogging
around 10 times and been at the gym maybe 5 times.
Big life changes – as positive as they can be – have had a habit of messing with my head.
After our wedding I got depressed and got diagnosed with anxiety disorder. It doesn’t make sense!
But as much as it sucked, it brought me to where I am today. I’m a (wedding) photographer.
If I didn’t have regrets about the lack of our wedding photos, I wouldn’t have started to spent time on wedding forums.
Wouldn’t have found wedding photography. Fallen in love with it.

Guess the same thing happened last August in some way. My head got messed up with me going full time with photography.

Last week I realized that for the majority of my adult life I haven’t liked the way I am.
And finally I’ve realized that it has nothing to do with how I look. My outside self just reflects what’s wrong inside.
Although I’ve successfully lost weight it has always crept its way back since I’ve gotten lazy again.
I’ve had awesome excuses of course. Like we all do. Until you realize how silly they are.
I have a habit of being too hard on myself. Going jogging during daytime, during working hours, still feels somehow wrong since I should be working.
Although going full time was supposed to mean making my own schedules, taking care of myself and being happier.

How silly am I?

Last Thursday, on my 30th birthday, I started to write down what I’m eating and started exercising again. Surely, I had a minor celebration with friends
on Friday and we ate lots of wrong stuff, but I’ve been able to stay on track (sort of) because of my little notebook. Yesterday I went for a run and it
felt awesome as terrible as it was – you know, I’m not in awesome shape right now as I was when I was running last time. I’ve found long lost love for Pilates
soon I’ll start going to gym again.

By making this public, I hope that this time it will be permanent.

I don’t have any set targets since I do understand that muscle weights more than fat, but I’d like my fat percent to be somewhat normal.
Right now I’m made of 35% fat and it’s not good. I like to get my cholesterol down a bit, long term blood sugar balance better and be happy
in my own skin.

I know this won’t be an easy road. I have many obstacles in my way. Diabetes & hypothyroidism. But obstacles are made to be broken.

I will be updating more frequently here since making another blog for this didn’t make sense.
Hopefully you can find some inspiration here if you’re struggling with the same things as I am.

/Johanna